At a Loss

I’m rarely at a loss for words, but sometimes it does happen.   I’m at a loss as how to proceed from here with a situation..  I’m at a loss as to how to express myself about it.  I’m just kind of floating around right now so please bear with me while I ramble.

I can’t discuss any details because it involves confidential information.

I tried to go to bed early because we’re going on a road trip tomorrow to Roc day in Pass Christian, MS.  It will be a long day.  I can never go to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.  Don can do that but not me.  I  toss & turn for an hour or two before I fall to sleep and tonight was no different.  Instead of trying to force myself to go to sleep, I decided to get up and start writing.

I’m a hard person to be friends with.  I mostly stay at home and prefer to be at home.  Vanessa calls me a recluse.  That’s not quite true but it may be somewhat close.

I can usually make myself a place when I go somewhere with a different group than I’m accustomed to.  But, I can be hard on a friendship.  I have several people that I consider to be friends, but I don’t have a lot of “close” long-term friends and those I do have are precious to me.

Please don’t try to make any sense of this, because I don’t know that I can do that myself.  Just listen.

In my world, there is no room for a liar.  There is no such thing as a little lie.  A lie is a lie is a lie.  If you ever tell me a lie and I discover it, I will never trust you again.  There is no wiggle room here.  There are no good reasons for lying.  Why tell a lie when the truth would do better?  Isn’t there an old saying like that?

Maybe this comes from working as a nurse.  Maybe I learned this “few gray areas” from that.  I don’t know.

One thing we have a problem with Chris is that he can lie and look us in the eyes and he believes himself.  I’m told it’s just a part of his disability and even knowing that, it’s hard for me to deal with.  But….he’s my son and I love him dearly so I work with it.

I’ve been involved with a situation  that I thought I had handled only to learn that someone else told a lie. The lie was told for what they perceived to be a good reason or at least that’s the excuse.   Again, I will say that there’s no such thing as a good reason to lie.  When that’s done, every bit of credibility for that person is gone….forever.  It can never be re-built.

Is it worth it?  It wouldn’t be worth it to me.

One of the big issues I have with this situation is that in telling that lie, the other person implied that I was off-base or confused or didn’t know what I was talking about??? ….I don’t even know the right words for it.  But I do know that I don’t appreciate it.  I’m no one’s fool.  And I don’t appreciate a friend being, as they say “thrown under the bus”.   Real friends don’t do that.  If a person will do that, what else will they do?  They won’t do it to me because I won’t stick around for chapter 2.

A question that person might ask themselves is, would someone they were protecting with a lie do the same for them.  More than likely, the answer would be no because they are probably going to save their own hide.  And the answer should be “no” because otherwise it would not be the truth.

I was planning to just let this go unless something else came up, but I’m not going to be able to do that.  I will request another appointment so it can be further discussed.  It may not be resolved to my total satisfaction, but I *will* have my say.

SherylSigRedFinal2

 

 

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25 Comments

  1. Ruby

     /  January 5, 2013

    Sheryl, I right there in the boat with you in all aspects. Enjoy your trip to Mississippi…just come a little northwest and that’s where I live…..Vicksburg Hugs Ruby

    ________________________________

    Reply
  2. PAULA JAMES

     /  January 5, 2013

    You are so right, there are no good lies.

    Good luck

    Paula

    Reply
  3. I agree, lies hurt relationships. Trust again…not so much. Now, I told you I would send you the loom…I am still hunting for a couple of parts to it. I could have sworn I had it all together in my quilting room, but the wooden side pieces are hiding somewhere in that disaster area! Two years of traveling back and forth to Florida and hauling a ton of quilting stuff…it’s a mess, but I am still looking! I refuse to give up because I want it out of my quilting room and into your house!

    Reply
  4. Pam

     /  January 5, 2013

    I so feel your hurt and emotion, been there and know the trauma, lies hurt, truth prevails. Stay honest and true to yourself, don’t allow anyone’s bad or incorrect behavior make you do whats against your grain, strings x pam

    Reply
  5. I fully support your thoughts!

    Reply
  6. Bettie Farish

     /  January 5, 2013

    Lies catch up with you. It’s better to stay on the ground and tell the truth than to climb a tree and tell a lie.

    Reply
  7. Listened….

    Reply
  8. Peggy

     /  January 5, 2013

    I hope you getting your thoughts out in the world help you resolve the situation. I am some what like you and your thoughts. I have learned also over the years that sometimes when a person tells you a “lie” it is not a lie at the time they are telling you this lie. Sometimes circumstances behind the story are revealed that were hidden in the beginning. At that point the person should talk with you and complete the story. i am glad you are making an appointment to find out the truth and maybe the person will tell you the complete story.

    Reply
    • The lie was told by someone who is not my friend but the lie affected a person I hold very dear and worse than that….my son. I thought I could let it go but I cannot so I may have lost a dear friend because someone else knowingly chose the path of a lie rather than to tell the truth.

      Reply
  9. Oh Sheryl, I’m like you. Do not lie to me. If you do it once, I may forgive, but do it twice and I don’t want anything to do with you. In my book there is no reason to lie. Tell me the truth…….it may hurt……but never ever tell me a lie.
    I hope you have a good trip. Take care.

    Reply
  10. So sorry for what you’re going through. All I can offer is prayer and blessings to you…..

    Reply
  11. quiltapillow

     /  January 5, 2013

    I agree with you, therefore-I really don’t have friends just acquaintes. I thought I had a friend but 3 yrs later I found out I didn’t. So, no more trust or real time association. I do know how you feel. I stand upright; don’t lie, don’t steal; don’t cheat and it’s hard to have friends in todays world. I have to forgive but I don’t have to associate with that person anymore.

    Reply
    • You’re right that it’s hard to have friends when you don’t tolerate this sort of thing. I’m a long way from forgiveness but I’m not out for vengence. I just have no use for this person.

      Reply
  12. Nancy Angerer

     /  January 5, 2013

    I have walked in your shoes. Lies do destroy trust. Relationships can be rebuilt, but scars can remain which keep the relationship from being quite what it had been or could be. I have also been in situations where what was true in the past is no longer true. But at that point honest owning up and apology is important. You seemed to be describing the former, but I don’t really know. I can’t and won’t even try to give advice. But I am going to stop and pray for you right now and will continue to pray for you.

    Reply
    • In this case, the lie was told….knowing that it was a lie and in some way I think the person thought having done so was funny.

      Reply
  13. Pat Hathaway

     /  January 5, 2013

    I’m so sorry you are going through this pain. I have spent 62 years trying to learn to let stuff like this roll off my back like water on a duck. It never works but I’m getting a little better at walking away–my problem is that I get angry, say mean things in an attempt to “speak the truth”–because I really want to hurt them as much as they have hurt me. Then I end up feeling guilty because I didn’t “turn the other cheek”. The worst situation for me was a few years ago when I was fired from a job–the only time in my life I have ever been fired!!!!–because someone told lies about me. Then the boss told the lies to my son-in-law because he had recommended me for the job. My SIL knew better than to believe them but he had to be “diplomatic” and not take sides–he is a very wise man. I never applied for a job again because I was so ashamed to have to tell a future employer that I was fired. I hope your situation clears up with as little pain as possible and you can find happier things to think about.

    Reply
    • Pat, I think it’s terrible what you have been through. I’m not sure how I would cope with that. I wish I could let things roll off my back but I’m just not that way. I will over analyze this thing until I have absolutely worn myself out.

      Reply
  14. Nancy of IN

     /  January 5, 2013

    Blessings for you.

    Reply
  15. Edwina Finet

     /  January 5, 2013

    Sheryl,
    I hope that by sharing this, it brings some resolution to the situation. It sounds like you are keeping an open mind, but know exactly what you want to do when all facts are revealed. By being honest with that person, you may actually teach her or him something that may save other relationships for them. And you have lots of validation for your feelings from friends, which does not hurt, even if you don’t need it.

    Reply
    • Unfortunately, there’s nothing for me to teach the person. We are merely acquaintances and have no contact with each other. I will be speaking again to someone who was investigating this situation and I will tell them in no uncertain terms…that she was lied to and it was NOT me who told her the lie. I think she already knows that but I am going to make darned sure that she does.

      Reply
  16. Helen M Poole

     /  January 5, 2013

    Sheryl, thinking of you and praying that all will be ok in the end.
    Helen

    Reply

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